But Not For Two
by storry-eyed
Summary: She managed to give him up once, but twice is so much harder, and three times is just impossible - especially when he kisses her like that. LucyPeter. Sequel to Enough For a Lifetime.


**A/N: **This is the sequel to the story _Enough For a Lifetime_, which is also the LucyPeter pairing like this one. This picks up a couple of months after the other one ended. You should probably read _Lifetime _first, otherwise this might not make much sense! Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own anything and still not making any money.

* * *

Peter didn't care that she was much too old for the role; he had absolutely insisted that Lucy be the flower girl at his wedding. She didn't mind, really; or at least that's what she told him. And it was true, for the most part.

She wanted him to be happy. That was the worst part. She loved him enough that she would give him up, willingly, so that he could find happiness with King Darrien's cousin. Emilia, was her name. A much prettier girl than she, Lucy thought to herself, before remembering that she had promised never to compare them because it just might make her lose her mind.

Emilia had golden hair that flowed down her back in ringlets, and a smile that never seemed to reach her blue eyes. Her high-pitched laugh made Lucy wince. Everything about the girl just seemed wrong, somehow; but Susan and Edmund like her well enough, and Lucy admitted to herself, grudgingly, that she might be just a bit prejudiced to hate anyone who was involved with Peter.

"Earth to Lucy," Susan's voice teased, bringing her younger sister back to Earth with a jolt. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," said Lucy, and turned, pretending to admire her dress in the mirror and hoping to distract Susan from asking more questions. "This is a beautiful dress, isn't it?"

"I wish you would have let me have the dress makers sew the neckline lower," Susan said critically. "And make the sleeves off the shoulder. That would have made it better. But yes, Lucy, it's very pretty."

Lucy sighed. Truth be told, she wished the sleeves were off the shoulder as well. But she had been afraid that looking too much like a sixteen year old girl and not enough like Peter's off-limits younger sister would have been a very bad idea.

"Come on, it's time," Susan said excitedly, and the two of them walked from the room and down the stairs, finally arriving in the throne room. Music was already playing, and Emilia was standing just outside the double doors looking, for the first time in Lucy's memory, unsure of herself.

Susan must have noticed it too, because she went to Emilia's side and began speaking in a low, soothing voice. The thought flashed in Lucy's mind that Susan must finally be happy to have a sister she could share these sort of things with, things Lucy had never cared about, like clothes and boys and looking pretty, until she remembered that she was not jealous of Emilia. Not in the least.

But she was so distracted with watching them, and the sick feeling that was coming into her stomach at the thought of the actual marriage being so close to happening, that she was late walking in and had to hurry up the aisle, scattering flower petals every which way. And then, because she was so rattled and distracted and she turned instinctively to the one who had always given her the most comfort, she broke her unspoken promise and glanced up, a blush tainting her pale cheeks, brown hair pulled back from her face, in a sky blue dress that fit every inch of her body perfectly, and saw Peter. His expression made her want to laugh and scream and cry all at the same time, because never in his life had he looked at anyone like that before, and Lucy realized in that split second how much he loved her and how much he hated himself for it, and how much, despite everything, she loved him right back.

And then, as if things weren't bad enough already, the tears she'd been holding back all day began to run down her cheeks, and Peter looked like he was about to leap off the pedestal and run to her and kiss them away. Lucy didn't even want to begin to imagine what everyone's response to that would be, so she looked back down and took her place at the side of the room while everyone stood as Emilia entered and Lucy tried to choke back the sobs.

And then, before she knew it, Peter kissed the bride, and it was over and done and the second they were out of the room Lucy ran, as far and as fast as she could, but for the first time she didn't go to the balcony. She was too afraid of the memories. Instead, she ran to the ocean and knelt on the soft sand and cried and cried, until her voice was hoarse. And then she stood up and dried her eyes and swore to never cry over Peter Pevensie again.

* * *

Lucy did well, far better than she thought she would, for another year. Susan got engaged twice and broke the first off, but the second seemed to be a match made in heaven. Edmund courted girls right and left, but never got seriously involved with any of them. And Lucy turned seventeen and refused to see anyone, of any romantic nature, at all.

One day in early spring the four of them went out riding. It was the first time they had done so in a long time, because usually one was off somewhere doing something or other, or someone was too busy, or someone else had things to do at Cair Paravel. Chasing the white stag was carefree and fun, and Lucy laughed longer and louder than she had in longer than she could remember.

And the next thing she knew, she was tumbling through the wardrobe door and onto the floor and, as much as she missed Narnia, all she could really feel was relief. Because maybe, in this world, those feelings would all go away and she could go back to living a normal life.

Except they didn't, but she still had to.

She and Peter never talked about what had happened between them in Narnia, although they talked around it for a year, with and without their siblings. Peter started to move on, and even endured teasing from his other two siblings about girls, since Emilia was all the way back in Narnia and none of them thought they would ever be going back. Lucy bit her lip and said nothing, because in this world it was impossible in a way that it hadn't been in Narnia. There was no hope of anything happening between them in London.

For one long year, they tried to live normal lives in London. They went to school and played games and grew up all over again. And Lucy was relieved, because even though it hurt more, it was easier to pretend here, even though she missed Narnia terribly and London simply didn't feel like home anymore.

But of course, an easy life wasn't meant to be, and suddenly they were back in Narnia, and Lucy decided that someone was playing a trick on her life and getting a huge laugh out of it, because at this point everything just seemed like a huge joke.

But something inside Lucy had changed. She was fed up with trying to do the right thing, because how could staying apart be the right thing when it made her feel like she was dying inside? She had to talk to him and tell him how she felt as soon as possible, because she knew all too well that at any moment it might be too late. And also, even though it sounded terrible, Emilia wasn't in the way anymore because she has long since passed on (and besides, Lucy had looked up the old legends in the castle library and found evidence that she hadn't exactly been the most faithful wife of all time).

Peter refused to look at her until she cornered him after it was all over, and Caspian was being crowned in just a few hours. Lucy had no idea what would happen after that, so she seized her chance. She grabbed his arm and dragged him into an empty room and slammed the door. Because she was a queen again, and she could do that sort of thing without being yelled at – it was great fun, really.

"What's wrong?" Peter asked her, finally looking at her, eyes closed off.

"You," she said flatly. "I can't do this again, Peter."

"Can't do what?" he asked, a bit of emotion finally showing through. "I don't understand."

"But you remember?"

A flash of anger crossed his face. "Of course I remember, Lucy, how could I ever forget?"

"Before, I told you that the memories were enough."

He sighed in defeat. "Yes, I know. I remember."

"And they were, then, but now…" she took a deep breath and plunged on. After all, she had nothing to lose. "The memories were enough for one lifetime, Peter, but not for two. I can't do this again."

His face was tortured. "Lucy, we can't."

"Why not?" she demanded, all pretenses gone. "Maybe we couldn't in England, but we're back, finally, and last, and the rules are different here. I love you, Peter," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you."

He put his face in his hands and turned away from her. "I don't want to hurt you again," he said, his voice muffled. "I know I hurt you before, Lucy, and I'm so sorry. I wish I could make it up to you, but I don't know what to do."

Lucy had never seen him fall apart like this, and her heart went out to him. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He twisted around so that they were face to face, and Lucy flashed back to that day on the balcony. Only here, the roles were reversed. He was in pain and she was comforting him. So, instead of the other way around, Lucy kissed Peter. And he kissed her back.

It was even better than she remembered. His hands were on the small of her back, and hers were tangled in his hair. He was more experienced now, but she wasn't going to think about that, and she felt herself melting in his arms. And this time, neither of them pulled away.

There was a knock on the door, and Peter released her slowly. Cheeks flushed, Lucy yanked at her dress, but only made the mess worse. The knocking grew insistent. Peter shook his head and silently fixed it for her. She buttoned his shirt – when had it come undone? – and he went to answer the door.

Just before he opened it, however, Lucy grabbed his arm and looked straight into his eyes. "Love me," she said simply. "That's all I ask. Just love me."

Peter looked into her eyes for a long moment, then brushed a hand along her cheekbone, that and the promise she saw in his eyes making her shiver. Then he opened the door.

It was Susan, who looked solemn, and said that Alsan wanted to speak with her and Peter alone. Lucy watched him go with a half smile on her face, then left as well, body still tingling from his touch.

* * *

The blood roared in her ears as Susan kissed Caspian, because even though Susan's heart was breaking just like hers, at least she didn't have to live with the knowledge that she would see the man she loved every single day and feel her heart break all over again by the emptiness in his eyes as he lost her once more – so many times now, in so many ways, that they both had given up counting.

Back in London, they talked about it once, but she didn't cry, even though she wished she could. It was after she and Edmund and Eustace had been on the Dawn Treader, and then come back to London again, this time for good. And it had been wonderful to be back in Narnia, really, but somehow Lucy couldn't help but feel as though some of the magic was gone. She didn't want to admit it, but she knew deep down it was because her brother wasn't there. Peter didn't say anything as she told him of their adventures, but after she was done, he kissed chastely on the lips, as a brother might to a sister, and Lucy knew what was coming.

"Neither of us are going back, are we," she said, and it wasn't a question.

Peter sighed. "No, I don't think we are. Not ever." Lucy simply nodded. It was no more and no less than she had expected. Her heart had broken so many times already that all she could feel this time was numb.

"Lucy, we can't be together here. No matter how much we both want to."

And just like that, the numbness was gone, replaced with astonishment. "You do want to?" Lucy asked breathlessly, because, as she suddenly realized, even after all this time he had never actually told her how he felt.

"Of course I do." Peter smiled sadly. "Ever since that night on the balcony I've known how I felt about you, but I always tried not to do anything about it, because I thought it was impossible. I married Emilia because I hoped that would end things once and for all, but I know now that that was a big mistake. I think I even knew it at the time, but I refused to believe it. Again, when we came back to London after our first time there, I thought that that would be the end of it. But when we went back to Narnia again, for once I really thought we might have a chance. And for a minute there, we did. But when we came back here for good, I knew it was all over. Lucy, I'm so sorry," he said, eyes burning fiercely. "I love you more than anything else in the world, and I'm _so sorry_."

Lucy was afraid that if she said anything, her voice would betray her, although there were no visible tears in her eyes. So she just nodded, and let him hug her, and kissed his cheek.

"I want you to be happy," Peter told her finally.

"And you," Lucy whispered. "I love you, Peter."

"And I you, Lucy," he repeated, and they went their separate ways.

Lucy was doing a good job, living her life as though everything was normal, up until the train crash, when they went _back_ to Narnia _again_ and it was all so funny that she just wanted to laugh. She might have been able to survive the last time, but if they had to go back to London again, she thought she just might die.

But this time was different, because she and Peter didn't even have to discuss it to know that they would be together as long as they were here, because they had to take what they could get. So for the first time ever, there were late-night kisses and tangled limbs under blankets and secret smiles, and even thought everything they were doing was a complete secret, it was still wonderful.

Except after it was all over, instead of going back to London they went to the strange place which was like Narnia, only a thousand times better, and Lucy realized that in this place, she and Peter really could be together as they were meant to be, and it would be okay.

But after all the time and the false starts and the waiting, now that they were finally given permission to be everything that they could be together, without having to hide, Lucy was suddenly unsure. She tried to avoid him speaking to him, unsure of what she would say or where to begin, but that had never worked before, and it didn't now. He knew her much too well. He let her have some time to herself, but eventually Peter walked up to where she sat on the grass by a stream, knees drawn up tightly against her chest, and knelt before her.

He reached out and tipped her head up with a gentle hand so that she was looking straight into his eyes. "We know for a fact that we're going to be here for a long time, don't we?" He asked her. Lucy nodded slowly, confused. "So what do you say that we try just one more time?" He offered, eyes very soft in the way that was meant for her and her alone.

A slow smile spread across her face as she realized what he meant, and Lucy threw her arms around his neck without a second thought. Peter buried his face in her hair, and then the two of them were rolling over and over in the grass, peals of laughter like low and high bells echoing across the meadow, and as his lips met hears and she finally let the tears fall, Lucy realized that she didn't have to try not to cry over Peter anymore, because at long last she could keep him forever.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope I gave them a good ending and that you liked it. Leave me a review and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading.

FL7


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